Who's Tess?

We sadly lost our cat a few months ago, I cannot say I am a great cat lover, that seems to be Debbie’s role in our home, but Purdy as she was known was fat, lazy and knocking on a bit, so we had lots in common and got on reasonably well. Debbie was devastated by her death, and subsequent chats indicated there could be no quick replacement. If and when the time came to think about another cat in the house, it was said that it would be mature, male and tabby.

So the scene was set for me to return from work at Stella Books last Sunday evening, looking forward to a leisurely supper, only to be greeted upon opening the front door, by shouts of “quick, close the front door, I don’t want Tess to get out!” My immediate thought was “who’s Tess?”

After taking care to close the outer door, I entered to be greeted by a very cute and hairy face, with two pointy ears obviously just as curious about me as I was about her. This turned out to be the Tess in question - an eight month old, female, black and white, four footed terrorist. Remembering the earlier description of a maybe replacement for Purdy I was a little confused… It turned out there had been an adoption event for the Cats Protection League or some such organisation and this where Debbie and Tess had met.

I soon learned that Tess is a four footed loony, ricocheting around the house like a jet propelled rubber ball Everything appears to be part of a game - window sills, fan lights, cables or pull cords, the underside of a footstool. How she gets under it, into a space of about two inches, is beyond me to comprehend. It appears she is fitted with the same launch system as a Harrier Jump Jet, and can go from the rear of the house to the front and back again, visiting every room on the way, in the same time it takes a bullet from a gun! We have already learned that several prized possessions do not bounce too well, and other items have quickly disappeared into drawers and cupboards.

Then suddenly she changes to collapse mode, literally falling over in a stupor. She sleeps for five minutes, then launches herself into life at warp speed once more. Everywhere is on the way to somewhere else - Deb and I are just to be walked over on her route to investigate everywhere and everything!

I am told she is on a two week probation to see if she settles, but recent purchases of a scratching post (to protect the furniture) a sizeable supply of catfood ( “well it’s buy one, get one free”) and assorted balls, furry mice, ribbons etc. seem to indicate that my fate is sealed. I will fight my corner to the bitter end, but I am feeling trapped.

I am already faced with the prospect of “no Christmas tree this year I think” and “she will be fine once we can let her out to blow off steam” but I must admit she is cute, and affectionate - oh no I think I may be a lost cause after all!

Contributed by Martyn.

(Published 1st Dec 2013)